Part One, Step One: Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

Salt N peppaOh Salt N’ I will have you stuck in my head for the whole damn day. I was not trying to implant an unending ear worm with this title, but it is an amusing side effect that I can now share with you. You are welcome.


Recently I have begun to date men. This may seem like an odd statement so I elaborate briefly. I have had sex with men. I have had sex with women. I have dated and had long term relationships with women. I have had sex with men..and then promptly forgot they existed. Does that sound harsh? Perhaps it is, but this is how I used to see it; everyone is safe, everyone had a good time, the end. I still see it that way often.

casual sex

I like men, straight men are a decent portion of my friend base, which sounds a little like “I have black friends” or “I know gay people” but it’s true. I totally know straight people! They are great, just like everyone else..but weirder. I do have very good friends that are heterosexual men, but that is very different from dating said population. When it comes to men at large,  I never gave them much of a chance beyond my sexual interest in them. Interestingly despite the common social belief that they only want sex, most of the men I encounter want more,  when I… don’t. I don’t know how much of this is because I don’t want it and therefore become more interesting, but there it is. Make what you will of it.

This past year I have decided to try something new, and attempt to actually date them


First step, safety.  I like to plan. I was fully tested and had an IUD implanted, because I am so fertile that just talking about sperm may cause me to spawn.  As you might have surmised, I like sex and therefore have a long standing run of jokes regarding my promiscuity in my younger years among my friends. Upon receipt, I sent all of them pictures of my super squeaky clean test results . Because..well why not?  I came of age with AIDS being the boogeyman that  scarred a  generation.  A clean bill of health is still pretty damn awesome, every damn time.

After the first step I didn’t really have a plan.

  • One,  I don’t know how to be a single women in her 30’s. The last time I was single I was in my mid 20’s which was a very different time.
  • Second I don’t know how to be a single MOM in my 30’s.  Adding to this, a friend of mine reminded me that single mothers are not supposed to have sex or date, they must be virginal, especially if there is a divorce and/or custody proceeding… no pressure.
  • Third, I have even less idea how to be a single HETERO woman, at any age. Straight women scare the crap out of me.


laci green no talking shit

This is Laci Green and I adore her:)


I have been going to school, working and learning how to be a single mother, and that takes up most of my bandwidth, but the dating thing has been the biggest game changer in how I perceive both myself and my world.  I know how to do my job well, how to be a student and how to be mom Yes, absolutely, all of those things have been harder since the break-up on my marriage and moving out on my own, but I had the tools to do those things. Those skills just needed to be sharpened, honed and re-purposed into multi-tools. I’m still learning and there will plenty of moments documented on those subjects but my angst on those subject bores ME, and I see no need to torture you with it (mostly).

So I will be trying to get the experiences of the last year into a cohesive series of ideas, lessons and revelations. This is of course for me, not you my faithful reader. Presumably you are better informed than I.



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